Midlife Cabernet

Today's Cabernet

2009-01-31T19:33:00.001-08:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2006 Terra Alta "Sexto" from Spain. The wine was introduced at a "Women, Wine and Money" event in Boise last week. It's $26 a bottle and is called "Sexto" not for the carnal flirt but for the word "sixth" in Spanish. The wine maker added a sixth grape to the blend so decided to call it "Sexto." The six grapes include garnacha, carignan, tempranillo, lledoner pelut noir, cabernet sauvignon, and syrah. I'm a fan of Italian and California wines, but this Spanish blend is absolutely yummy.

Give a Valentine to Your Heart

2009-01-31T19:28:00.000-08:00

Today your heart will beat 100,000 times. There’s a good chance it will do the same thing tomorrow, unless you suddenly get chased by a rabid tiger after having a triple-shot of espresso. The fear and caffeine will fuel your adrenalin and increase your heart rate so you can flee from the tiger, leap a few fences, and return to work before the caffeine buzz wears off.

Midlife is the right time to start loving your heart. One in two women will eventually die from heart disease or stroke, and eleven times more women die of heart disease than from breast cancer. If your midlife schedule is making you too busy to focus on this important ten-ounce organ, here is a list of ways to continue to damage your precious heart.

1. Smoke like a chimney. Odds are you won’t have to worry about old age.
2. Worry in silence. The internal stress will put a strangle-hold on your arteries and consequently you’ll soon need to worry if your pacemaker will continue to work.
3. Ignore your high blood pressure. So you think it’s cheap and easy to get a heart transplant?
4. Gobble tons of refined carbohydrates and fried food. You’ll have plenty of time to learn to spell arteriosclerosis while you’re lying in a hospital bed,
5. You have a body mass index great than 25 and your waist measures more than 34 inches around. Face it, your heart is only the size of your fist and was not designed to support the weight of a young buffalo.
6. You believe that exercise is for sissies and never run, walk, or do any exercise that keeps your heart rate above 120 beats per minute for any length of time. Keep in mind that being tethered to an oxygen tank and grasping heart medication doesn’t make you brave or smart.

It’s time to protect your heart for the future, so walk every day, maintain a healthy weight, improve your diet, stop smoking, and reduce your stress. Your heart is programmed to beat 3.5 billion times throughout your life. Don’t stop the rhythm.

Today's Cabernet

2009-01-19T07:14:00.000-08:00

For the perfect way to celebrate a fresh year with unlimited potential and nowhere to go but up, try 2006 Cakebread Cellars Rubaiyat red wine from Napa Valley. Cakebread is one of my favorite wineries and the wine is worth donating a sliver of kidney to get. It's about $32 a bottle and will make you want to get a second job to have the $100 bottle of Cakebread Cabernet.

Rubaiyat was named for a verse from Omar Khayyam's poem:

A book of verses underneath the bough,
A jug of wine, a loaf of bread -
and thou beside me
Singing in the wilderness -
Oh, wilderness were paradise, enough!

Today's Cabernet

2008-12-26T19:28:00.002-08:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a cheerful glass of 2006 Columbia Valley Buty, a rich blend of merlot and cabernet franc. It's very difficult to stop with one glass, and it is the holidays, and I am leaving for a week, so I better just have another glass. It's $38 a bottle, and I don't want it to go bad while I'm away. Besides, if there is too much left over some greedy gremlins might sneak into the house and steal the wine, or the cold weather outside might make it evaporate, so there really is no excuse not to have some more. Cheers!

"Senior Female...any gift"

2008-12-26T19:12:00.000-08:00

Last week I ran into a community cafe to share a pot of tea and scones with a business associate. I stopped at a Christmas tree in the entryway and noticed the tags that listed gifts to be donated. An 8-year-old girl wanted a doll, a 10-year-old boy wanted some paints, a senior male wanted size 10 slippers. Three tags brought tears to my eyes: senior female...any gift. Somewhere near me lived some older women who only wanted a gift for Christmas, and it didn't matter what it was.

I returned later with three gifts, left them under the tree and whispered a blessing to the women. For my New Year's Resolution, I've decided that I will think about these women throughout the year and try to be kinder, more loving, and less hectic. And I wish I could share some tea and scones with them.

Today's Cabernet

2008-12-17T20:10:00.000-08:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of Bruno's Blend IV from Va Piano Vineyards in Columbia Valley, Washington. It's a yummy blend of syrah, malbec, merlot, cabernet sauvignon, and cabernet franc with an elevated alcohol content of 14.2%. I discovered this excellent wine at a recent tasting party at Season's Bistro. I must have really liked it because I bought a case for holiday giving to the 12 top-tier friends worth a $27 bottle.

Elaine's Yuletide Limerick

2008-12-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

There once was a jolly old soul.
Giving gifts was his generous goal.
So I waited all night
with suspense and delight!
All I got was a bucket of coal!

So I screamed at the fat man in red,
"A curse on your silly white head!
I try to be nice
though I'm guilty of vice,
can't you just give me something instead?"

Then ol' Santa returned in a snit.
And he said that my whining must quit.
"You have lots of stuff,
and enough is enough.
So be grateful, you ignorant twit!"

Alas, that dear Santa was right.
I have not a cause for a fight.
So not to be hateful,
I'll try to be grateful.
Peace to all, and to all a good night!

Today's wine was white! Have I gone mad?

2008-12-14T22:11:00.000-08:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2006 Trinitas Sauvignon Blanc from Napa Valley. It's true - I'm drinking white wine, but at least it's not Chardonnay! I found this wine in a wonderful underground wine bar in Napa Valley at the sumptuous Vino Bello Resort. If you have to drink white wine, it might as well have a great story. Also, thanks Joanne for telling me to get off my pity party and revive the blog.

How a Cool Woman Survives Holiday Hot Flashes

2008-12-14T22:08:00.000-08:00

So you’re standing at a festive holiday party in your sassy satin dress when suddenly a hot flash makes you want to dump the punch bowl on your head. You know you’re having a Category 10 hot flash when your face resembles the famous Edward Munch painting of “The Scream.” You’ll think your eyeballs are boiling like dumplings in stew and then you receive the shocking chill that turns your sticky sweat into prickly goose bumps. Cheers!

The reason for the internal combustion is that you have an internal thermostat that controls the heat in your body. It’s located in the hypothalamus, which despite confusion is not a large animal that likes a muddy pond, but rather, a part of your brain. During menopause, rapid changes in hormone levels in your blood can cause sudden waves of heat. These hot flashes confuse the hypothalamus and it perceives that your body is too hot. It starts to cool down the body, and blood rushes to the surface of the skin in an attempt to lower your body’s temperature. As a result, you sweat and your face turns red or flushed. Then you experience a sudden chill as your body temperature finally adjusts. The good news is that it’s over quickly, sort of like diarrhea.

Hot flashes can last from a few seconds to five minutes. When they attack, the best defense is a good offense. That’s why it’s important to wear removable layers and carry plenty of water for hydration. You also can carry instant cool packs that you crack open and hold to your head and neck. Facial blotting tissues are easy to tuck into your pocket and come in handy as a mini-squeegee. If you’re really desperate, and who isn’t in times of great crisis, just carry a spray bottle with water and a few drops of lavender or lemon oil for discreet, refreshing spritzes.

Prescriptions can be used to treat severe hot flashes, however some medications can have unpleasant side effects such as nausea or sexual dysfunction. You’ll have to decide if the menopausal systems are worse than the possible side effects. You could sweat and still have that romantic romp or be cool as a cucumber until you throw up. Decisions, decisions.

Today's Cabernet

2008-11-05T19:47:00.000-08:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a delightful glass of 2005 Robert Karl Claret from Washington State. This lovely blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Malbec, and Petit Verdot was featured at a recent wine tasting at Seasons Wine Bar in Eagle. It was my serious duty to sample this wine several times to assure that is was as wonderful as I thought. Yup, it sure was. I brought a few bottles home to enjoy on special occasions - such as if I can go a week without a speeding ticket. The wine was $21.59 a bottle - and well worth the price.

Free to Be Me - with Surgery

2008-11-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

I loved Marlo Thomas in the 1960s TV show of That Girl. She appeared recently on the Today Show with a new edition of her bestselling 1972 children's book titled Free to Be You and Me. I hardly recognized her. She's 70 years old but her perfect face made her look like someone else. Only her deep voice gave her away.

I'm all for physical improvements, but her book touts the theme of "accept how you look and who you are." When I'm 70, my arms will be flapping in the breeze and my boobs will be dragging on the floor and the skin on my face will have enough spots to play dot-to-dot. But, I'll be free to be me.

Today's Cabernet

2008-11-02T21:39:00.000-08:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2004 Kendall-Jackson Meritage. I usually love a meritage and this wine contains a blend of cabernet sauvigon, merlot, and cabernet franc. Also, Kendall-Jackson Cabernet is always good. However, this wine is bland and disappointing. I should have known that it was mediocre because it was on sale at Albertsons for $13. So, it's raining outside, I'm sick of politics, my favorite cartoon strip ended today, and my wine is flat. I better go find some chocolate.

Goodnight Opus

2008-11-02T21:22:00.000-08:00

Sunday always calls for jazz on satellite radio, a pot of hazelnut coffee, and the newspaper. I struggle through the headlines, wondering if the potpourri of pathos and pain is the true signal that the end of civilization is near, and then I escape to the comics for relief. Alas, one of my favorite strips ended today, but the delightful last scene exceeded expectation.

The final panel of Opus appeared at humanesociety.org/opus. There was Opus, snuggled soundly in bed as the little old lady whispered "Hush." Goodnight moon. Goodnight Opus.

Now, if Doonesbury or Mallard Fillmore even hint of ending their strips, I'm canceling my newspaper subscription. Non Sequitur and Pickles just can't balance the news.

Word of the Day:
Potpourri: ORIGIN early 17th cent. (denoting a stew made of different kinds of meat): from French, literally ‘rotten pot.’

Today's Cabernet

2008-10-07T20:16:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Charles Krug Merlot from Napa Valley. This wine is a tasty blend of Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Malbec, Cabernet Sauvignon, and Petit Verdot. It's only $22 a bottle and is worth every sip. This wine offers a complex texture, flavors of wild berry and roasted pecans, and has a strong finish. I only intended to have one glass to get me through the presidential debate, but after today's economic news and the flat performance by both candidates, I consumed another glass. And then a half.

Food for Thought during Menopause

2008-10-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

Wouldn’t it be great if you asked your doctor
how to deal with menopausal symptoms and she
told you to eat plenty of chocolate and blueberry
scones, and then wash it all down with copious
amounts of red wine? unfortunately, menopause
may bring a gaggle of gruesome maladies, including
hot flashes, dull skin, memory loss, and flatulence,
but chocolate, flakey baked good, and dry wine
won’t do anything to ease the pain (at least in the
long run). Fortunately, there are some foods that will
help combat the effects of menopause:

Increase your soy intake. Recent studies indicate that
middle-aged women who consumed at least three
soy products a day reported positive benefits for their
hearts and bones. soy protein also can improve skin,
hair, and nails. Once considered a tasteless waste
of chewing, today’s soy products include flavorful
foods, such as soy cereal and roasted soy nuts. soy
products also can reduce hot flash frequency.

Fish fat makes you fabulous. Studies show that
middle-aged people who consumed omega-3
fats on a regular basis scored higher on memory
tests. These fats can be found in flaxseed, salmon,
sardines, tuna, and in fish oil supplements.

Drink green tea. Rich in antioxidants, green tea is
good for strong bones and a healthy heart. studies
show that several cups of green tea every day can
decrease the risk of stroke by 69 percent. you’ll also
get your exercise by running to the bathroom all day.

Cool it on the hot sauce. If you live anywhere
south of the north Pole, you’ll probably suffer from
hot flashes and night sweats. To help alleviate the
problem, eliminate spicy foods and caffeine from
your diet. eat more fresh vegetables and fruit, and
don’t go to bed on a full stomach.

Hydrate your health. Drink six to eight glasses of
water every day to help keep your skin clear and
supple. Water also can reduce problems associated
with cramping and constipation. and, nobody
wants to be remembered as the cramping, bloated,
wrinkled old woman who didn’t drink enough water.

If you are what you eat, then i’m a deep-fried
Twinkie. But, in a defiant effort to live long enough
to irritate my great-grandchildren, i’ve decided to
improve my diet, increase my exercise, and make it
through menopause without hurting someone. it’s a
lofty goal.

Today's Cabernet

2008-10-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass - or two - of 2005 Kendall-Jackson Vintner's Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon from Santa Rosa, CA. It's only $18 a bottle and a wine I've enjoyed for several years. Actually, it was comfort food after my recent move. Who needs warm soup when you can sip on an old favorite?

So I Moved One Week Before My Daughter's Wedding...

2008-10-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

I'm insane. Yup. Probably should be swaddled in a padded crate and sent to some island where I can sit under a palm tree and make baskets. Except, that would require focusing.

Two weeks ago I moved into a darling house that is about 50% smaller than the one I left. And, it was a week before my daughter's wedding. Hindsight tells me that was not the best planning on my part.

However, I'm in the new place, I have four storage units, the wedding was fabulous, and I've stopped twitching so much. Here are some highlights of the past two weeks:

I have no dishes, except for wine glasses. I do know my priorities. The rest of my kitchen stuff is in 100 boxes somewhere.

Two days before the wedding, I ran into a hair salon in a strip mall and declared, "I need a cut and color and I need it NOW!" The result was amazingly positive. And, at half the price I usually pay.

I discovered that I can live with one box of toiletries and cosmetics. So what do I do with the trunks of stuff I have stored?

The worst part of the entire ordeal was going a week without Internet. Finally my son told me to take my lap top to a coffee house. Duh! I caught up on 900 emails while I gulped my favorite hazelnut latte.

The best part: Watching my 81-year-old mother lovingly accept the wedding of her only granddaughter - even though they have been together five years and have a darling 17-month-old daughter. The times, they are a changing!

Today's Cabernet

2008-09-14T18:50:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2006 Tamarack Cellars Firehouse Red from Columbia Valley in Washington State. This wine is only $21 dollars a bottle but received a 90 point rating from Wine Spectator Magazine. It's a delicious, full-bodied blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Syrah, Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Sangiovese, Carmenere and Malbec. This is perfect sipping wine to enjoy on the patio on a gorgeous end-of-summer evening.

Chaos vs. Comics

2008-09-14T18:23:00.000-07:00

Sunday mornings have a certain ritual: Greet the day with gratitude and then grind some hazelnut coffee, turn on light jazz music, and settle down with the newspaper. I read the front section first to get my fill of politics, global chaos, and local angst. Then I dig out the comics to find some relief from circumstances I can't control.

For balanced satire, my favorites are Doonesbury, Opus, and Mallard Fillmore. Then Dilbert, Non Sequitur, and Mother Goose & Grimm are next. (Today on the Mother Goose & Grimm strip, Noah is loading animals into the arc and someone asks, "Do we need extra ram?" Too funny.)

But, alas! For over twenty years I've been reading For Better or For Worse - the realistic story about a family in Canada. Two weeks ago Cartoonist Lynn Johnston wrote that the family was going back in time to start over. She then summarized the future lives of the characters. Wait a minute! I've known Elle, John, April, Michael and Elizabeth Patterson for almost twenty years. How can they just disappear? They've probably gone to share laughs with Calvin and Hobbs, another great cartoon strip that no longer exists in my Sunday paper.

In a perfect world, the Pattersons, Opus, Mallard, and Dilbert would be in charge of daily events, and the horror and garbage of the news could be written off so we could start over. Maybe next Sunday I'll start with the comics first.

Palin Paranoia

2008-09-12T06:27:00.000-07:00

Today I received a mass email adamantly calling for support of a group and blog called "Women Against Sarah Palin." I won't participate in this because we will never achieve equality with men with this sexist attitude. There never will be a group called "Men Say No Obama" or "Men Against McCain."

Today's Cabernet

2008-09-06T18:22:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2003 Borolo from Italy. Yes, it's expensive at $44 a bottle, but I just learned that a travel company wants me to host the first annual "Midlife Madness Cool Down Cruise" to Alaska next August. That's a great reason to celebrate! I'm a bit concerned, however, that a few hundred menopausal women on one ship could cause some serious global warming and melt most of those massive glaciers. That's a chance we'll have to take!

Cruise With Me to Melt Ice in Alaska!

2008-09-06T18:11:00.000-07:00

Who knew that being old and sweaty could result in an Alaskan Cruise?? Hurry and sign up for the first annual "Midlife Madness Cool Down Cruise" to Alaska next August. Check out this web site for details.

www.midlifemadnesscruise.com

(MidlifeMadnessCruise.com)

Please join me! We'll enjoy laughter, libations, and learning together as we cruise from Seattle to Ketchikan, Hubbard Glacier, Juneau, and then cruise back on the inside passage. What a great way to cool down!

Today's Cabernet

2008-09-01T22:34:00.001-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2002 Brunello Terra Rossa from Montalcino, Italy. Say "Super Tuscan" and Brunello and I'm immediately acting like the dog in those insipid "beggin" commercials. It's a bit spendy at $46 a bottle, but every now and then you need a fabulous glass of wine to commemorate a real special occasion, such as going a day without chewing your fingernails or sneezing without wetting your pants.

Corrupting the Grandkid

2008-09-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

My fabulous 16-month-old granddaughter comes to play with me at least one day a week. On a recent visit, I had to run some errands, so she agreed to come with me. That was mainly because I secured her in the car seat and she had no choice.

I hauled her into the bank where all work stopped so the tellers could make goo-goo sounds at her. Then we went to the store and bought some disposable diapers. Her mommy wore cloth diapers and I must admit these disposable things are a lot more efficient.

Then we stopped by Seasons Bistro because I had to finalize arrangements for a donation to the local charity gala. Well, of course they made me sample a tiny taste of wine that would be offered at the event. How could I refuse? So, there I was with a baby on my right hip and a glass of wine in my left hand. I felt so guilty, wondering if my daughter would walk in the door, scream at my derelict actions, grab the baby and rush her to a child therapist.

Then the chef offered me a sample of some warm rhubarb-strawberry pie with ice cream. Oh, my! How I needed that pie!

Only the purest organic food passes the lips of my gorgeous grandchild, but there I was sipping wine and spooning rhubarb and ice cream into her eager mouth. Such delight for both of us! It was so much better than all those fresh green beans and squash she eats! Grandma really know how to have a good time.

I bundled her home and told her never to tell her mommy what we had done. After all, what happens with Grandma, stays with Grandma.

Today's Cabernet

2008-08-29T08:33:00.001-07:00

To celebrate the brilliant choice of Sarah Palin for a vice president candidate, tonight I will open a bottle of 2004 Merryvale Profile from Napa Valley. I've saved this $100 bottle for a special occasion - and this is it! This incredible wine is a blend of Cabernet Sauvigon, Petit Verdot, Merlot, and Cabernet Franc. Here's to a dynamic blend of competent women everywhere!

Hooray for Woman Candidate!

2008-08-29T08:10:00.000-07:00

I'm standing in my office, clapping and cheering. What an exciting moment to hear that John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his vice presidential choice. The Democrats made a huge mistake by picking a male, Washington insider for their VP pick. I already have visions of a Palin-Clinton competition in eight years. Two women going for president.

I may not agree with all of Governor Palin's beliefs, but I don't agree 100% with anyone. She will energize this election. I've experienced sexism in my personal and professional life, so this nomination brings me great joy. Go, Sarah!

For more information on Sarah Palin, check out this blog:
http://palinforvp.blogspot.com/

Today's Cabernet

2008-08-28T21:27:00.001-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Koenig Vineyards Cabernet Sauvignon from the Bitner Vineyards of Snake River Valley in Idaho. This wine will age well but probably not in my cellar because nothings ages in there. Idaho is producing more wonderful wines, and it's my duty to sample and test them. My work is never done.

Kiss My Attitude

2008-08-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

What's more fun than a party of twenty fun-loving women? A party with autographed copies of Menopause Sucks and sassy appetizers, that's what!

The first annual "Kiss My Attitude" night at Seasons Bistro and Wine Bar was the hit of the Eagle Wine and Food Gala Auction last Friday night. After a rousing round of bids, our donation went for $1,700. (The governor's donated cowboy hat went for $500!) Our donated party was so popular, we decided to donate it again. The second time, it went for almost $1,000. Proceeds from the auction benefit the International Special Olympics Winter Games that will be in Idaho next winter.

At our donated party, the following menu will be served to the winning women:
Whine and Cheese Plate
Crabby Cakes with No-Sweat Sauce
Wild Woman Won Tons with Sassy Sauce
PMS Pita with Hot Flash Humus

I'll read irreverent excerpts from the book and regale the audience with hot stories and humorous anecdotes about how to survive menopause without hurting someone. It promises to be a grand time.

Today's Cabernet

2008-08-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2006 Fidelitas Red Wine from Columbia Valley. This wine is a delicious blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Malbec, and Petit Verdot. It's only $18 a bottle, so buy a case and enjoy this for every day wine that's bursting with flavors of dark chocolate, cassis, vanilla and spice. It pairs nicely with bruchetta and pasta with fresh Parmesan. Yes, I know that's a lot of carbohydrates, but you can balance it with fresh veggies and some fruit for dessert. Cheers!

Food for Thought During Menopause

2008-08-17T22:38:00.001-07:00

Wouldn’t it be great if you asked your doctor how to deal with menopausal symptoms and she told you to eat plenty of chocolate and blueberry scones, and then wash it all down with copious amounts of red wine? Unfortunately, we’ve all lived long enough to know that life doesn’t work out that way, and when it comes to combating the effects of menopause, you’ll be advised to eat a different kinds of foods, namely those that are healthy.

Yes, menopause may bring a gaggle of gruesome maladies, including hot flashes, dull skin, memory loss, and flatulence, but chocolate, flakey baked good, and dry wine won’t do anything to ease the pain (at least in the long run). Fortunately, there are some foods that will:

Increase your soy intake. Recent studies indicate that middle-aged women who consumed at least three soy products a day reported positive benefits for their hearts and bones. Soy protein also can improve skin, hair, and nails. Once considered a tasteless waste of chewing, today’s soy products include flavorful foods, such as soy cereal and roasted soy nuts. Soy products also can reduce hot flash frequency.

Fish fat makes you fabulous. Studies show that middle-aged people who consumed omega-3 fats on a regular basis scored higher on memory tests. These fats can be found in flaxseed, salmon, sardines, tuna, and in fish oil supplements.

Drink green tea. Rich in antioxidants, green tea is good for strong bones and a healthy heart. Studies show that several cups of green tea every day can decrease the risk of stroke by 69 percent. You’ll also get your exercise by running to the bathroom all day.

Cool it on the hot sauce. If you live anywhere south of the North Pole, you’ll probably suffer from hot flashes and night sweats. To help alleviate the problem, eliminate spicy foods and caffeine from your diet. Eat more fresh vegetables and fruit, and don’t go to bed on a full stomach.

Fight flatulence. Sudden and uncontrollable flatulence is another cruel trick from Middle-aged Mother Nature. To help control symptoms, reduce the consumption of gas-producing foods such as green vegetables and beans. Don’t gulp food because you swallow air and it has to get out somehow. Also, don’t drink too much soda because the carbonation will create little tubas that like to toot every time you bend over.

Hydrate your health. Drink six to eight glasses of water every day to help keep your skin clear and supple. Water also can reduce problems associated with cramping and constipation. And, nobody wants to be remembered as the cramping, bloated, wrinkled old woman who didn’t drink enough water.

If you are what you eat, then I'm a deep-fried Twinkie. But, in a defiant effort to live long enough to irritate my great-grandchildren, I've decided to improve my diet, increase my exercise, and make it through menopause without hurting someone. It's a lofty goal.

Today's Cabernet

2008-08-10T21:26:00.001-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a lovely glass or 2005 Ferrari-Carano Cabernet Sauvignon from Alexander Valley. It's about $33 dollars a bottle, but I was in a festive mood after my fun book premiere. The wine is elegant and rich with flavors of black currant and cherry. I sipped and savored the taste and the memory.

Gratitude and Attitude

2008-08-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

One of my most favorite, hug-myself-silly memories of my life happened Friday, 8-8-08. Over 100 family members and friends attended the national premiere party for Menopause Sucks. We enjoyed live music, tasty appetizers, and irreverent excerpts from my book. The event provided a marvelous moment to express some heartfelt gratitude and sassy attitude.

The "Kiss My Attitude" menu included Whine and Cheese Plate, Crabby Cakes with No-Sweat Sauce, Crazy Lady Fruit Plate, PMS Pita with Hot Flash Humus, Wild Woman Won Tons with Sassy Sauce, Empty Nest Salad with Vixen Veggies, and Memory Loss Mousse. Delightful drinks were Friends Forever Frozen Wine, Wrinkle-free White Wine, and Road Rage Red Wine.

My daughter, son, and son-in-law helped with crowd control and money gathering (both important activities.) And, my fabulous granddaughter charmed and entertained everyone. As I read from the book, my brave 27-year-old son attempted to hide under a table, especially when I shared some snippets about vaginal dryness, midlife sex, and hairy toes. Perhaps therapy is in order.

Today's Cabernet

2008-08-05T10:52:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Frei Brothers Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon from Alexander Valley. This full-bodied wine combines yummy flavors of dark berries, eucalyptus, sweet vanilla and toasty oak. It's on sale at Albertsons for $18 (usually $22), so we're having it tonight with a family BBQ. I hope there's some left by the time everyone gets here.

Marvelous at Midlife

2008-08-05T10:44:00.000-07:00

"All of a sudden I’m on the other side of fifty, my
grown children are telling me how to drive, a
cute little squirt is calling me grandma, and the
skin on my neck resembles a dryer hose. How
did this happen? What should I do about it? I
need some chocolate."

That's the introduction to my article in the current issue of

Idaho Woman's Journal. Copy and paste this link to the article on page 7 of the publication:

http://www.idahowomensjournal.com/Monthly%20Full%20Issues-PDFs/August%20PDF%20Event%20Flyer/IWJ_AUG-PROOF3.pdf

Not Your Mother's Talk Radio

2008-07-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

I'll have a national radio 30-minute interview on Monday, August 11 starting at 10:30 a.m. You can hear it by logging onto www.blogtalkradio.com/Who-you-calling-old. I'll be discussing the new book, Menopause Sucks. Beyond the talk about profuse sweating, lusty libido, incontinence, hairy toes, flatulence, and hair loss, it should be a serious discussion!

Today's Cabernet

2008-07-29T21:15:00.004-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Simi Cabernet Sauvignon from Alexander Valley. A local wine store recommended the wine and I must agree that it's a delicious balance of blackberry, cherry and plum flavors with hints of spice. It was only $23 dollars, so I must return to the 8th Street Wine Company in Boise for another bottle...or two. It's what I do to support the local economy in these difficult times.

Guaranteed Weight Loss with "Toddler Diet"

2008-07-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

My new "Toddler Diet" has been successful in making me more fit due to increased physical activity, regular weight-lifting, and healthy eating. My 15-month-old granddaughter visited overnight and most of the day. We had a lovely time reading books, playing with toys, hiding in the pantry, scampering up and down stairs, dancing to music, and sharing exquisite snacks of banana puffs,cheese, apple sauce, and turkey sandwiches topped off with some warm organic milk. Mmmmmmm good. There was no time for my usual staples of chocolate and red wine.

A local toy store recently went out of business, so I stocked up enough supplies to pass for a professional child care facility. I estimate that I've reduced my waist two inches by picking up those toys one million times. I'm finally getting smarter at this grandmother thing and have stored most of the toys in plastic boxes. (I got the boxes to organize my office, but that's another issue.)

I also lifted the 25-pound darling enough times to know that's the amount of weight I need to lose so I can continue to scamper up and down stairs. She makes me laugh with her energy and antics, and when she's drifting off the sleep, she makes me cry. Being a grandma is a huge benefit of being this darned old.

Today's Cabernet

2008-07-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2004 Moon Mountain Estate Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon from Sonoma Valley. A luscious and elegant blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc, Merlot, Malbec and Petit Verdot, this wine offers aromas of mountain blackberry and flavors of cedar and roasted coffee. At $30 a bottle, it's a little on the high end for every day wine, but I just read that red wine is good for Type 2 Diabetes, so I must have it for medicinal reasons. The article stated that 1/2 glass of red wine helps to lower blood sugar levels. Of course, my glass is a quart jar, so 1/2 glass is just right.

A Ceremony for the Rite of Midlife

2008-07-28T12:17:00.000-07:00

Marianne Williamson wrote a wonderful ceremony to celebrate a woman's passage to and through midlife. How about calling your women friends together to experience the following ritual?

Ceremony of the Elder: A Rite of Midlife
By Marianne Williamson

As a generation, we are growing into our wisdom. We are hungry for our wise women, our wise men. We are hungry to know them and to become them. The wise have seen the light at the center of things, and the light at the center of things is who we are. Until we see that, the mission of our lives remains unfulfilled.

This rite is very significant when done for someone's fiftieth, sixtieth, or seventieth birthday. It should also be noted that it is as appropriate for men as it is for women.

OFFICIANT: We gather on this day to celebrate an important passage in the life of (name). She is to us a beloved child of God. She is as well the daughter of (name) and (name), the wife of (name), the mother of (names), and sister to the world.

The years of her life on earth have brought her to this sacred moment, where she takes upon herself, through the grace of God, the mantle of the Elder. From this day forward, she celebrates and carries forth the purpose of the wise ones, who oversee our human progress, who nurture and sustain us. She shall be grandmother to all children, handmaiden to God and Goddess, revered for her insights and honored for her knowledge.

To you, (name), having lived these years, having seen what you have seen and cried the tears of troubled times, we now acknowledge that you have climbed the ladder of the elder ones. May God reveal to you a sacred sensibility. We are blessed by your presence. We are grateful to know you.

Please reveal to us your story.

(The honoree then tells a prepared story of her life, a letter to the world. It describes her history however she cares to reveal it. She forgives and blesses past times. She offers herself for continued service to humanity and to the world. She claims the full blessings of her maturity, the value of her experience to now share in faith and inspiration with those who seek her counsel.)

Today's Cabernet

2008-07-11T20:07:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here enjoying a glass of 2005 Ferrari-Carano Cabernet Sauvignon from Alexander Valley. This wine is always yummy with rich flavors black currant, cherry, and anise. It's about $27 a bottle and worth every sip.

So Happy about Happiness Article

2008-07-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

http://www.balancemagazine.com/magazines/CurrentIssue.pdf

If you copy and paste the above link you can read the current issue of Balance Magazine. It's a national publication that promotes personal growth for women. My article, Genuine Happiness - Finding Joy in a Grumpy World, is on page 68.

Today's Cabernet

2008-07-02T20:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2001 Col Solare Red Wine from Columbia Valley. This was another fabulous find at Costco. I only purchased two because it was $39 a bottle, but it was gone when I returned to purchase more. Next time, I'll pass on the 50-roll pack of toilet paper and get more wine.

Modern Marvels for Midlife Survival

2008-07-02T19:39:00.001-07:00

My childhood home had one bathroom, one black-and-white TV, and one telephone, and I had no idea that we were deprived. Now I can't go anywhere without my cell phone, my lap top computer, my Ipod, my Ipak pda, my digital camera, and my car with the voice-activated navigational system.

Here are a few modern, essential items that help soften the reality of being this old:

Ipods. Now we can have all our favorite songs instantly and not have to move the needle and accidentally scratch the spinning record. The only downside is that I listen to my Ipod when I jog on the treadmill at the fitness center. Someone usually has to tell me to quit singing out loud while listening to the Pet Shop Boys.

Online Banking. Now we can pay bills without getting a loan to buy stamps.

Birds Eye 4-pack frozen peas. These single-serving packets microwave in 1-1/2 minutes so there is NO EXCUSE not to have vegetables with dinner.

Bare Minerals Make-up. This "wonder powder" covers facial flaws faster than that old tube of fabric-staining liquid goo called "foundation."

The Comedy Channel. For all recovering news junkies, try watching the Comedy Channel before bed. It's as good as Johnny Carson used to be. A second favorite irreverent show is Red Eye on the Fox Channel.

A Vinturi wine aerator. Look for this great invention at www.vinturi.com. You can pour one fabulous glass of wine without consuming the entire bottle.

Free funny computer cards. Go to www.jibjab.com and look for the animated cards that star your friends and you. To laugh until you hurt, watch the "farting birthday" cards.

Those are just a few of the new inventions that make life easier. We deserve them.

Today's Cabernet

2008-06-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2000 Merryvale Clone Six Cabernet Sauvignon from Beckstoffer Vineyards in Napa Valley. I joined this wine club while visiting wine country last fall. It's a real treat to receive quarterly shipments of wonderful wine that I can't find in Idaho. The Merryvale wine is always superb, and I've never been disappointed. And, the UPS guy is always so polite. He still asks for my signature to prove I'm at least 21. What a great guy!

This recent shipment came with a note stating the wine would age well for several years. Yeah, right. It won't see 2009.

Sexless in the City

2008-06-20T19:19:00.000-07:00

I recently joined seven feisty females over forty for dinner and the movie 'Sex and the City.' I rarely watched the show on television, so I was expecting a pandering, plotless portrayal of bed-hopping bimbos. I was pleasantly surprised. The movie was fun, and it included just the right amount of bold sass and bare ass.

After the movie, three of our group went home to husbands and four went home alone. Of those four, one was recently widowed, two were divorced, and one was separated from her husband. The variety and reality of our lives didn't matter. We enjoyed the evening and weren't shocked at images that would have sent our mothers into counseling and confession. We've come a long way from our first "skin" movie, 'The Graduate' with a fresh-faced Dustin Hoffman.

Today's Cabernet - Screw Caps from Down Under

2008-06-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2007 Jester Vintage Cabernet Sauvignon from Mitolo Wines in Australia. It was recommended at Seasons Bistro, my new favorite wine bar in Eagle. I was skeptical because of the screw top because I'm a cork snob. Don't you just love that exciting pop of a cork? Why mess with something that has worked well for centuries? Well, the bottle was only $21 so I gave it a try. Surprisingly pleasant. I guess I'll just have to keep tasting other non-corked wines. This is serious market research.

Do Your Sagging Cheeks Get Stuck in Your Collar?

2008-06-17T18:23:00.000-07:00

(Here is an excerpt from the new book Menopause Sucks. It's coming soon for hot women everywhere.)

Everything is going along just fine until one sunny day you jaunt outside in your best tank top and shorts and accidentally catch a glance of yourself in a mirror that’s not the kind one in your bathroom with the back lighting. Horrors! What’s happened to your once taut skin and when did your neck turn into the dryer vent hose? It seems a dingo just ate your body and left this wrinkly old mass in its place!

Your skin is aging, just like the rest of your body, and the hormonal changes during menopause can cause accelerated dryness, increased loss of elasticity, and more spots than a Dalmatian parade. You could stop all the deterioration right now by signing up to have your body frozen and suspended in liquid nitrogen at the Cryonics Institute until scientists discover a way to halt the aging process. But, that option does have a downside. It costs $28,000 for the procedure and you’d miss the annual sale at Nordstrom’s.

Your face is the first body part to show the physical realities of forty years of wear, tear, care, and despair. It seems that heredity, environment, diet, and lifestyle all contribute to the condition and quality of your skin, and during normal activity and conversation, the skin on your forehead and around the eyes and mouth continually moves and stretches. Over the years, sun damage and gravity cause your skin to lose its elasticity and resiliency. The skin no longer snaps back like a new pair of undies to a smooth appearance after all that frowning, smiling, and laughing. Yes, your mother was right. Keep making those faces and they’ll stay forever!

And you should have listened to her about not smoking, too. Now, it’s easy to identify heavy smokers who spent a lot of time in the sun because their faces resemble the skin of a dried potato. Women who smoke have more wrinkles and lines than nonsmokers because nicotine slows the circulation to the skin and it can’t release toxic waste products of cell metabolism. There’s not enough lotion in the world to bring back their skin to make it soft as a baby’s butt.

(This chapter goes on to give helpful hints about lotions, potions, and lifestyle decisions that can rejuvinate your skin.)

Today's Cabernet

2008-06-07T19:43:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2004 Moon Mountain from Sonoma Valley. This yummy wine is 79% cabernet sauvignon with a delightful blend of cabernet franc, merlot, malbec, and petit verdot that results in flavors of blackberry and currant with a hint of roasted coffee. It's about $30 a bottle but worth its weight in gold after a busy day.

And The Cow Jumped Over the Moon Mountain

2008-06-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

My wonderful, perfect 13-month-old granddaughter spent the day with me yesterday. We read books, emptied drawers, danced, crawled under tables, tumbled on the carpet, poked toys into little boxes, and played peek-a-boo with a silk blanket. I even introduced her to steamed cauliflower - so much better than the crap I used to feed my kids when they were small.

I'd forgotten how busy a toddler can be. In desperate need of a toilet, I took her into the bathroom with me and it only took 10 seconds for her to open drawers and find the razor blades. These were not on her mom's recommended toy list.

Then she scampered away with a tube of lotion which she quickly squirted onto my hardwood floor before I could get my pants zipped. Just when I was ready to offer her a pony if she took a nap, she got tired and we cuddled in the rocking chair. Then she fell asleep in her little crib, and I watched in amazement and relief as she sighed and moaned her way to some mysterious dreamland.

After my wonderful, perfect daughter took my wonderful, perfect granddaughter back home, I poured a glass of Moon Mountain Cabernet Sauvignon and sat quietly to contemplate my blessings. Hey Diddle, Diddle, it's a good life.

Today's Cabernet is not a Cab

2008-06-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2004 Trinitas Zinfandel from Bigalow Vineyard in Sonoma, California. It's a gamble to dabble outside of my Cabernet Comfort Zone, but this wine is darn tasty and it's only $28 a bottle. The wine offers hints of raspberry and chocolate (a great combination) but it's not too sweet.

Not Your Mother's Tea Party

2008-06-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

There's a saying about how a woman is like a tea bag - she doesn't know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.

I recently attended a tea party with a dozen really strong middle-aged women. We sat in a friend's garden sipping tea from her mother's ornate tea set. We all used to work for the same corporation and as our lives have evolved most of us are still jumping in and out of hot water when we should be lolling around on the patio receiving a massage from a bodybuilder named Thor.

Linda was recently widowed after her husband died unexpectedly. Determined to take care of herself, she closed up their Arizona home and drove by herself back to Idaho. She arrived at 1:30 in the morning, only to discover she didn't have the key to open the door. "It was always HIS job to do that!" she explained. Exhausted after the 13-hour drive, she did what any resourceful woman would do. She took a hammer and broke down the door. "It felt great!" she said. "I got rid of a lot of pain."

Sue described how she was petitioning the court for guardianship of her teenage granddaughter. "We were all set to enjoy our retirement," she said. "Now we have a teenager in the house." After listening to the circumstances, we agreed that we would take the same actions if faced with a similar situation.

Molly announced that she was resigning from her job. After working for 34 years, she was planning her retirement. We toasted her with vanilla tea and poppyseed cake.

A few women described the challenges of caring for a sick parent. We traded suggestions, anecdotes, and recommended care facilities.

One woman was eagerly anticipating the birth of her first grandchild. The other grandmothers in the group all chimed in on the wonders of being a grandmother. Of course, we all pulled out photographs and declared that the world would be a better place because of our perfect progeny.

Another woman told about being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. We encouraged her to take care of herself and then we arm-wrestled her to remove the cookies from her reach.

For over twenty years, we've shared the highs and lows of our interesting and varied lives. Sometimes it takes a cozy tea party in an elegant garden to renew our spirits before returning to the real world for the next challenge. As we left the party, we all vowed to carry a hammer, just in case we had to bust down a door.

Today's Cabernet

2008-05-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Q Cabernet Sauvignon from Sonoma County. This rich, inexpensive wine is a pleasant staple to have on hand. It costs $18 a bottle, but this week Albertsons has it on sale for $11. You better stock up now for summer barbecues. Invite some buddies and kick back with grilled steaks, green salad, a platter of veggies and a glass (or two) of Q. Mmmmm, good!

Women of the Web

2008-05-30T20:41:00.000-07:00

This blustery blog has been accepted in the Blogs By Women directory (whoo hoo happy dance!), a community of almost 5,500 women bloggers who are distributing their dreams, diaries, and dubious deeds on the web. To preview the blogs, copy and paste the first link or just click on the second link.

http://www.blogsbywomen.org/

You're not crazy! It's hormonal imbalance!

2008-05-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

If you're having weird symptoms - more strange than usual - check out this web site. You can take a profile that covers 21 symptoms of hormonal imbalance, including mood swings, weight gain, hair loss, vaginal dryness, and anxiety. (Ain't midlife great!) At least it's good to know there are medical reasons for your temporary insanity. The site offers natural remedies to help you keep your cool.

Women to Women — Changing women's health — naturally

Today's Cabernet

2008-05-20T11:37:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Charles Krug Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa Valley. This wine is robust and full bodied, like many of my friends, and is about $26 a bottle.

Doctor-free Menopause Advice

2008-05-20T10:42:00.000-07:00

Approximately 6,000 women enter menopause every day in the United States. That means by Friday, we could populate a small town with sweating, crying inhabitants with indigestion and hairy toes. By the end of the month, we could have a city the size of Gilbert, Arizona with 180,000 women helplessly hurled into hormonal havoc. Get out of their way because some of them are in a testy mood.

To survive the physical and mental annoyances that assault your body and mind during menopause, here are some helpful suggestions that have absolutely no basis in medical fact:

1. Take all your pointy-toed shoes and line them up in the driveway. Then drive over them several times before you throw them away. Your feet will feel fabulous and you'll get rid of some latent aggression.

2. Cool your steaming head with a boxes of frozen diet food that have been languishing in your freezer for the past ten years. You're never going to eat them anyway so you might as well put them to good use.

3. The next time a telemarketer calls, start explaining your ailments and frustrations in graphic detail. Don't stop until the caller starts to cry. Then hang up.

4. Feeling lonely? Email your friends that you've decided to give all your money to that nice young woman who called from Nigeria. Then sit back and wait for them to scurry over for a visit.

5. If you experience uncontrollable urges to shop and eat (and who doesn't), just blame it all on menopause. You can shop and eat for less than $30 if you wander through the aisles at Costco and feast on all the free samples. Then buy a case of wine, a huge jar of chocolate covered peanuts, and a twelve-pound pie and then call your friends over for a party. To be prudent, don't forget the year's supply of toilet paper.

6. Symptoms of menopause can make you forgetful and absent-minded. Write your kid's names on their foreheads with a Magic Marker Pen so you don't have to go through the irritation of memorizing their names every day.

7. Menopause can make you magnificent! That's baloney, but claim that as your mantra if it makes you feel better. Remember, this all will pass some day and then you'll be too old to care anymore.

Country Girl Goes to the Spa

2008-05-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

Idaho’s winter of 2008 lasted about three years, so I recently packed my hide-all black swim suit, new black sandals, and glue-on fake toe nails and headed south to a spa near the ocean.

Within the first hour at the resort I stepped into an infinity pond that I thought was polished granite flooring. Too bad I wasn’t wearing my prescription sunglasses or I would have seen the water. Anyway, the dye on the sandals turned my feet into black and white stripes. Luckily, my fake toe tails didn’t come off.

I had arranged for a massage the following day and I didn’t want to appear with clown feet, so I decided to walk along the beach and let the sand wear off the dye. The two hour stroll erased some of the black stripes but unfortunately I got a hideous burn from the intense sun. Then the humidity turned my hair into an uncontrollable bush of wire thick enough to hold my keys, a water bottle, and a sassy novel.

I arrived the next morning at the spa, greeted by gentle hostesses named Jasmine and Camilla. Once ensconced in a fluffy white robe, I was ushered to the waiting room where chimes were tinkling and scented candles glowed in the dim light. Around me sat the most beautiful women I had ever seen. No, they didn’t sit. They floated in the room with perfect skin, flawless faces, and tight, teeny bodies.

They turned in unison to stare as I stumbled into the room, tripped over the bamboo rug, spilled my mango-infused water, and lost two toenails. I sat there with a soaking robe, frizzy hair, black-striped feet, sunburned nose, and stubby toe nails. As I retrieved the errant nails and stuffed them into my pocket, I knew that I had become the court jester in a room of Grecian Goddesses.

But, there’s nothing like a 90-minute massage to make all the mental and physical pains go away. The massage therapist applied scented oils to my sunburn, dug her elbows into my aching back, and rubbed my feet with soothing cream. By the end, I wanted to take her home with me. I happily glided back to my room, grateful to feel so good and eager for my next entertaining adventure.

Menopause Sucks in Two Months!

2008-05-08T18:42:00.001-07:00

Menopause Sucks will be released nationally on July 8. (There's still time to pre-order on Amazon.com so you can be the first on your block to enjoy this literary masterpiece.)

Here are some excerpts:

"It’s just a crying shame that you could live to be 100 but only twenty of those years come with youthful vigor, shiny hair, smooth skin, multiple orgasms, and a flat stomach. While it is better than dying too young, living past forty often comes with unpleasant and bewildering challenges."

"In medical terms, estrogen is produced in your ovaries and acts as a chemical commander in chief, telling your female body what to do. In not-so-medical terms, imagine a teeny tyrant running through your brain yelling, “Grow pubic hair now!” “Ovulate from the left ovary!” or “Make that boob bigger than the other one!”

"As perimenopause begins, your ovaries are tired of taking orders, so they decide to reduce the production of estrogen. “Attention All Sectors. Estrogen is leaving the body. Farewell party at noon in the pituitary gland.” Then all hell breaks loose and you start to experience symptoms of perimenopause. The fact that you live through this chaos is definite proof of your magnificence. A lesser species would have become extinct millions of years ago."

"It’s a rather cruel trick of nature that you could be raising teenagers and caring for aging parents while your Generalissimo Estrogen is barking orders at your female parts, your Busy Bee Progesterones are frantically fixing up the uterus for the Sperm and Egg Combo, and your Naughty Testosterone is working your libido like a tigress in heat."

(Note: Copyright material - no using without permission. Just buy the book.)

Today's Cabernet

2008-05-01T09:36:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2006 Montevina, a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot from the San Lorenzo region of Mexico. It's my duty through serious market research to sample wine from other countries. Besides, the handsome waiter named Carlos recommended this "vino tinto." The bottle cost $34 at a restaurant in Acapulco and was paired with a yummy antipasto with fresh melon wrapped in procuitto and crusty bruchetta smeared with pesto sauce.

Mexican Jumping Beings

2008-05-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

So we get away to Acapulco to relax and watch the ocean. Sunday night around 7 p.m. we're sipping a cocktail at the outdoor lounge when suddenly the drinks start dancing on the table. Then the table starts doing the shimmy across the floor. Damn, I must give up drinking. Then my chair begins to move around. ¡Carumba! It's an earthquake!

We debated the choices: run for higher ground to avoid a tsunami, but our passports and cash are locked in the safe in the room. But if the power goes out we can't get into the room or open the safe. Then we would be trapped on the fifth floor as it crashed down. The best and most logical choice: stay put and finish our drinks.

I didn't sleep a wink that night because I was worried about earthquakes, tsunamis, and the fried tortilla that could send me running to the bathroom. We learned the next day that it was a 5.6 earthquake centered in Mexico City. Safe for another day, at least. We celebrated, of course, at the seaside cantina.

Today's Cabernet

2008-04-23T17:53:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a potent glass of 2000 Brunello di Montalcino from Castello Banfi in Italy. I love Brunello. It's a vibrant explosion of flavors that include licorice, cherry, and spices. You can find it at Costco for $38 and more at wine shops. But let it breathe at least an hour. If you don't have patience and need an instant sip, it will taste and smell like warm swamp water.

Quick - Go to this web site: elaineambrose.com

2008-04-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah! My web site is up and running, thanks to the brilliance of my creative daughter Emily. Now I'll just sit back and wait for the hundreds of orders for my books and speeches. Or, I'll sip on some wine and be grateful for the occasional charity event that wants me to read from my books.

Check out this link:

Elaine Ambrose - Motivational Speaker, Humor Writer

Humor in the Workplace

2008-04-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

Here's the link to my article that recently was printed in a national business publication. The introduction is:

Humor in the Workplace: How to Get Serious about Laughter
By Elaine Ambrose
Did you hear the joke about the priest, the prostitute, and the politician who walked into the employee break room? Probably not. While there is a time and a place for jokes, it's a bad idea to attempt to be funny at work with stories featuring religion, sexuality, or politics. However, a well-timed anecdote about the befuddled customer who forgot his address can be the perfect icebreaker to dispel tension in a serious staff meeting. While timing should be considered, experts agree that laughter in the workplace can be a real asset to profitability and productivity.

Humor in the Workplace

Today's Cabernet

2008-04-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Robert Mondavi Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa Valley. This is one of my favorite wines - velvety and smooth with flavors of blackberry, mocha and spice. At about $25 a bottle, it is better than many wines twice the cost. I found it at my new favorite wine place in Eagle. It's called Seasons, and I already have my chosen seat.

Vunderful! Vunderful!

2008-04-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

Saturday night I went back forty years via a rerun of The Lawrence Welk Show. My 80-year-0ld mother stayed overnight after her great-granddaughter's first birthday party. The two of us feasted on chocolate fudge cake with ice cream as we watched the show. Oh yes, Mr. Welk appeared splendid in his canary-yellow suit, and the orchestra looked so festive in traffic-cone orange. Two dancers from the audience were dressed in identical orange and lime green outfits. We named every performer, and in moments of poignant reality, Mom could identify which ones had died.

I used to love the live Lawrence Welk Show. It was right up there with Bonanza, the Carol Burnett Show, and I Love Lucy. I had paper dolls of the Lennon Sisters - Diane, Kathy, Peggy, and Janet. The Christmas Shows were delightful as the performers brought their children for the gift exchange. Watching the show was a Saturday night ritual.

Somehow, I doubt that forty years from now my daughter and I will be watching reruns of American Idol. However, there is a high possibility that we'll be sharing chocolate fudge cake with ice cream.

Today's Cabernet

2008-04-13T21:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2004 Moon Mountain Estate Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon from Sonoma Valley. This satisfying wine is a smooth blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc, Merlot, Malbec, and Petit Verdot. It's about $30 a bottle. Costco is carrying the 2003 Moon Mountain Estate Reserve Cab for $24 a bottle, and it's a bit different because it doesn't include any Malbec grapes. You decide if the missing grapes are worth six dollars.

Chicken Slipper Symphony

2008-04-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

This was an interesting week, highlighted by sporadic blue notes of humiliation and glorious crescendos of joy. In other words, a typical song in the life of a middle-aged women.

First came a serious visit to City Hall with my son-in-law to finalize some business documents. Of course, I wanted to appear serious and intelligent, but as I stepped from the car I noticed I was wearing my "chicken slippers," a delightful pair of comfortable slippers with a perky chicken on the left foot and a cracked egg with a peeking chick on the right foot. I wear these slippers around the house because I am a recovering high-heeled-shoe addict with the bunions to prove it. In my haste to get to the meeting, I had completely forgotten to change my shoes. Was it a silent but sassy protest of city government bureaucracy? Probably not. Was it old age confusion? Perhaps.

Another moment that ignited the wounded warrier within my aging soul happened on Saturday when I eagerly went to the Boise Philharmonic to experience the world premier of An Idaho Symphony. My perky mood turned as dark as the surrounding black-clothed patrons when the insensitive spawn-of-the-devil ticket taker asked if I wanted the senior citizen discount. Even though it was cheaper, I couldn't accept the erroneous assumption that I was six years older. I stumbled to my seat and sat in total dispair until the orchestra turned my gloom to glee with a breathtaking rendition of Igor Stravinsky's Firebird Suite. Then the symphony to Idaho restored my elation as it captured the mood and magnificence of the state.

My attitude greatly improved last night and I was reminded of one of the pure joys of living past five decades. I rocked and sang my year-old granddaughter to sleep and stared in amazement as she slept in my arms. At that moment, nothing else mattered and life was good.

Today's Cabernet

2008-04-06T21:24:00.001-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 L'Ecole No 41 Merlot from Columbia Valley. This wine from Washington State is a tasty blend of Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Petit Verdot, and Cabernet Sauvignon and sells for about $26 dollars a bottle. Albertsons is having a wine sale until Tuesday and you can get 20% off six or more bottles. Better hurry to the store and stock up on the four necessary food groups: wine, cheese, crackers, and M&Ms.

When Your Double-Ds are Draggin'

2008-04-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

About twenty seconds after I entered perimenopause my boobs went from gravity-defying orbs that could be seen from outer space to unsightly tube socks lolling in my lap. Now only industrial-strength fabric and high-powered hydraulic contraptions can hoist these babies above my elbow.

As I described in the upcoming book Menopause Sucks, after forty years our breasts fall (yes, fall) victim to the realities of age and the consequences of pregnancy and nursing. Use this information to make your adult children feel guilty. Also, crazy hormones during menopause also cause loss of fullness and painful tenderness.

Use heating pads or warm water bottles to reduce discomfort, and wear a sturdy bra to keep the girls where they belong. Regular exercise and weightlifting classes can help tone and tighten sagging skin. Many women consider surgery to lift and augment wandering breasts, but they should get second and third opinons and weigh all the costs. What's better - cutting into your chest or taking a trip to Europe?

To soothe breast tenderness and to create a potentially passionate experiment, try some castor oil, lavender essential oil, or natural progesterone cream and enlist the help from a supportive partner to massage the potions onto your skin. Who knew aging could be so much fun?

Today's Cabernet

2008-04-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was defiantly supported by a glass of 2005 Schug Cabernet Sauvignon from Sonoma Valley. This wine is consistently good, and at about $25 a bottle, it's great to have on hand for guests. If you don't have any guests, open it anyway.

2008-04-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.thirdage.com/ usually has interesting, educational, and motivational articles for middle-aged people. However, today's message contained the following news:

"Study: Wine is Worse for the Brain Than Beer

Drinking too much wine damages the brain more than beer or spirits, scientists have discovered. New research on the long-term effects of heavy drinking shows that one area of the brains of wine drinkers was smaller than that of other people studied who drank different drinks in greater amounts.
The ground-breaking study shows that the hippocampus, the part of the brain involved in memory, spatial tasks and many other functions, was more than 10 percent smaller in those whose favorite drink was wine than in those who favored beer."

As a result of this information, I have only one decision to make: Stop reading articles like this.

Today's Cabernet

2008-04-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

Today's political rant was fueled by a marvelous glass of 2004 Merryvale Clone Six Cabernet Sauvignon from Beckstoffer Vineyards in Napa Valley. This wine is so fabulous, smooth, luxurious (and expensive at $95 a bottle) that I'd vote for Larry the Cable Guy if he offered me a glass.

Voter Vexations and Political Pageantry

2008-04-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

(The following text is taken from an article I wrote that appeared recently in several publications.)

Are you suffering from blowhard burnout? Do you start to twitch every time a political advertisement appears on the television? Can you even imagine how the current political pageantry has the Founding Fathers and Mothers spinning in their graves, which by the way, probably has contributed significantly to internal global warming?

I surrender. Just show me a ballot now and let me vote. Then I can get back to work and make money so I can pay taxes to pay for all this political puffery. Ultimately, all I want is to relax and watch television and not be assaulted by serious voices who tell me that my vote for him or her is the only path to true salvation. Cue the music, show the waving flag, fade to black.

It's easy to be critical because we have the freedom to complain, protest, and demonstrate without the risk of being run over by a tank. And for every cynic there is an optimistic patriot who passionately believes in our system of democracy. They are the flag-waving heart and soul of our great country. They attend parades, stand up for the National Anthem and hold their babies up to be kissed by compassionate contenders who promise them a free-range chicken in every pot, even though the pot is made in China.

Many of the most fervent defenders of our government are those who came from oppressed countries. They were drawn by the promise of hope inscribed on the Statue of Liberty: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” Many new citizens who regularly vote have been denied the right and pleasure of selecting their leaders. They know the United States provides a chance for choice, and even with the flawed and fickle government system, it’s still the best in the world.

After a moment of serious thought, maybe it’s time to do something about the electoral system and try and make it better. We the People must demand the necessary changes. Shorten the campaign season. Put stricter laws on campaign contributions. Demand term limits. Require that the people vote on politician’s salary increases and retirement programs. Mandate that politicians show up for work and actually work. Consider merit pay, accountability and performance evaluations. Make them live on a budget and pay taxes. In other words, require our elected officials to live like we do.

We need a revolution fueled by voter revenge. Perhaps it’s time to elect a leader for this important movement. Is anyone ready to campaign?

Today's Cabernet

2008-04-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Bodega Norton Reserva - a Malbec from Argentina. It was less than $15 at Costco. Yes, I know it's not a snooty wine shop, but Costco carries some great deals on wines that have received a 90 or above rating from Wine Spectator Magazine. Just add a case of wine to your cart full of paper towels and toilet paper. Throw in a jumbo platter of meat and cheese and you've got a party.

I'm 56 and pregnant!

2008-04-01T14:28:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love April Fool's Day jokes? My last pregnancy was in 1980 - and a hysterectomy in 1999 pretty much guaranteed that I'll never again feel that fabulous and frightening faint flutter of a fascinating fetus forming within my female factory.

Sunday, I was the keynote speaker at a meeting of 150 college coeds from the University of Idaho and Washington State University. It was a bit intimidating to be the wrinkled crone in the midst of such youth, beauty, and brilliance. I formulated the speech as I drove over 300 miles from Boise to Pullman, Washington. Using the analogy of preparing for the journey of life, I talked about how we all get prepared for the trip: gas in the car, coat, toothbrush, etc., but we still don't know what obstacles we'll face before arriving at the final destination. Sure enough, I encountered horrible weather, complete with snow, freezing sleet, rain, and slush. But every so often, the clouds parted and the sun broke through to reveal majestic mountains and blankets of snow that sparkled like sheets of diamonds.

I was playing my favorite music - Sarah Brightman, Il Divo, Latin Jazz, Bette Midler, and a collection of movie tunes. There's something spiritual about driving through the Idaho mountains while listening to the theme song from "Out of Africa." But the attitude gets downright defiant when Bette starts belting out "I'm Beautiful, Damnit!" I have to use cruise control on that one or I'd be driving 90 miles an hour and fly right off the Whitebird Grade!

Just a few miles from my destination, I was getting eager for the six-hour trip to end. Then some idiot passed me on a hill, almost driving me off the road and spraying gravel and slush on the car. And there I was without a cannon attached to the hood so I could blast the rude pest from the road! Ironically, at the first stop light I was directly behind the obnoxious punk. I had two choices: ram the back of his car, rip him out onto the road, and stomp on his ugly head - or laugh. Wisely, I chose to laugh. He was just a kid and had decades ahead of him to worry about jobs, careers, family, and how to drive with sanity. I on the other hand had survived too many decades to fret about such youthful concerns.

Anyway, the speech fell into place and we talked about our journeys and the paths we take. Yes, there will be crap, stress, irritating people, and pain, but also there will be brilliant and breathtaking moments of success, beauty, anticipation, and glory. These young women seemed amazed that someone so incredibly old could actually speak without drooling or belching. I saved that for the trip home.

Today's Cabernet

2008-03-26T22:14:00.001-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Merryvale Beckstoffer Vineyard red wine from Napa Valley. This wine is a magnificent blend of Cabernet, Merlot, and Cabernet Franc. At $75, it's a choice between fine wine and a pair of shoes, but it's my daughter's birthday so a celebration is in order.

My Daughter is 30 - and I'm Only 39 !

2008-03-26T21:56:00.000-07:00

My daughter is celebrating her 30th birthday. How can that be? Wasn't it only yesterday that I sewed her a little dress to match my own homemade blouse? Didn't I just tote her in a backpack to explore the great outdoors - and then dig a live wasp out of her mouth? I still remember the piano recitals, the dance exhibits, and the stage performances. I was the obnoxious mother in the front row with the camera. (Now she's toting her own baby girl... along with the camera and hopes and dreams.)

To celebrate her birthday, I took her to "Menopause the Musical." It's hilarious and we laughed together. The musical reminded her to enjoy life now before middle age brings the challenges of incontinence, sagging skin, weight gain, memory lapse, and mood swings. After our evening, I was so happy I rushed home to sew us matching outfits. Do you think she'll be surprised?

Today's Cabernet

2008-03-20T16:13:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Trinchero Cabernet Sauvignon from the Chicken Ranch Vineyard in Napa Valley. Seriously, with so many exotic and snooty names in the wine industry, couldn't they do better than Chicken Ranch? It's around $35 a bottle, but it IS the first day of spring so a celebration is in order. (Tomorrow's wine will celebrate the first day after the first day of spring.) This wine is 100% cab and presents a lovely blend of blackberry, mint, cedar, and berry flavors. Mmmmmmm.

Menopause Sucks in July

2008-03-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

Today I heard from my publisher - Menopause Sucks will be released on July 8, 2008. I got so excited that I spontaneously burst into an authentic Zulu tribal celebration dance, which is interesting because I've never seen such a dance. However, I did attend many barn dances and hootenannies back in Wendell, Idaho.

Anyway, I co-authored this book with bestselling author Joanne Kimes. In case you want to know what important topics are covered in this serious book, here's a preview:

Jumping Off Your Mood Swing

How to Milk Your Emotions to Get What You Want

Tender, Traveling Titties

Coping with Constipation

Incredible Incontinence

Vexing Vaginal Dryness

How to Tell if You're Forgetful or Heading for the Looney Bin

How New Shoes Can Prevent Brain Atrophy

How to Talk Dirty and Go from Ice Queen to Horn Dog!

Now You Can Sneeze, Fart, and Wet Your Pants - All at the Same Time!

How to Survive Menopause without Killing Anyone

Yahoo! It's Time to Toss the Tampons and Burn the Birth Control Pills!

Yes, those are just some of the interesting and enlightening subjects in this great literary work. You can pre-order the book on Amazon.com. Just click on the link at the left. Or, plan on coming to one of the premiere parties this summer. Schedule to be announced.

Today's Cabernet

2008-03-18T21:21:00.001-07:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by JUST ONE glass of 2005 "Q" Cabernet Sauvignon from Sonomoa County. The wine is only around $18 a bottle and has a strong flavor of bing cherry. Thus it serves as my fruit for the day.

Oprah's Class Hurts My Brain

2008-03-18T20:32:00.000-07:00

Every Monday evening for seven more weeks you can be part of a live online class presented by Oprah and the author of the book A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. I decided to sign up for the class because I'm curious to know if my life's purpose involves more than driving fast, telling stories, and drinking red wine. Besides, I'm starting to worry about this age thing - I feel like I'm treading water in the deep and desperate end of the age pool, my body is falling apart, and my brain can't remember the ingredients for a BLT.

Last night's class took about 90 minutes, so I poured a glass of wine and settled in with my copy of the book and the worksheets (available on oprah.com.) Eckhart Tolle, the author, explained some profound facts, such as "Worry pretends to be necesssary, but serves no useful purpose." I was contemplating his words and was on the verge of one of Oprah's "ah-ha" moments when he started talking about the ego. "Your ego lives in a constant state of not enough. The ego makes us over-eat, over-spend, and over-indulge." Instead of being enlightened, I was convicted. Why was he talking about me?

I sipped my wine and pondered his words. Then Oprah took a call from a woman in Berlin who claimed that the book had saved her life and helped her to stop drinking so much wine. My immediate reaction was to demand a refund for the class, take my wine and walk out. But, I didn't have to pay for it and I was already home, so I kept listening. The author extolled the virtues of consciously enjoying a single glass of wine every now and then. Only one at a time! Every now and then! That's like eating one M&M! Or one potato chip! Who can do that?

Well, by the end of the class I had a better understanding of the author's advice. Here are some of his other statements:

"Treat rude people as royalty and then watch them change."

"The primary moment in your life is NOW. Accept it as it is."

"Some people are addicted to the energy of unhappiness. Ego loves drama."

These statements make me think - so much that it hurts my brain. I have to rest it now and go have only one glass of wine. (He didn't say how big the glass could be so maybe I'll use a glass mixing bowl. But, I will contemplate and savor the experience and consciously enjoy every indulgent sip.)

Today's Cabernet

2008-03-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2002 Rodney Strong Symmetry Meritage from Alexander Valley. It's a fantastic blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, and Cabernet Franc. This bottle sells for $60 retail but I got it for less because I brought a case back from a recent trip to wine country. I'm celebrating because my precocious granddaughter took her first steps today! She's not quite 11 months old - but she's already on her way to explore the world. Cheers and best wishes to this incredible baby girl.

Corned Beef and College Buddies

2008-03-16T17:19:00.000-07:00

Did you know that the "corn" in corned beef relates to the "corns" or grains of salt used to cure the beef? Now you know. Did you know that college buddies can get together and laugh over stories they've shared since 1970? Yes, you knew that.

I had a fun BFF event over the weekend. Some college friends got together to celebrate a sorority award given to one of our Delta Gamma sisters. Then we went to see the movie "Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day" at the Flicks in Boise. (I love the Flicks because you can have wine and popcorn during the movie.) The movie was delightful - the fun plot included rewards for the "older woman" (finally!) and there was no blood, profanity, or gratuitous pandering. Then we went across the street for beer, more wine, and corned beef and cabbage to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Is that a fun day, or what?

I must raise a glass and toast my Irish heritage. My fraternal grandmother's family came from Ireland where she was related to the boisterous, heavy-drinking Turner Clan and the mild, potato-farming McClelland Clan. I have loyally inherited their lust for suds and spuds. So, here's a toast to all Irish and Irish-for-a-day friends. Sorry, but I just can't do green beer.

Funny Family Feasting

2008-03-16T16:48:00.000-07:00

So here's my beautiful granddaughter happily munching on an avocado. I'm so delighted that she's following in the family tradition of totally enjoying her food. Reminds me of my days as the pie-eating champion at the University of Idaho during the 1970 Turtle Derby Days.

Today's Cabernet

2008-03-08T19:46:00.000-08:00

Today's blog was fueled by a sumptuous glass of 2003 Zenato Ripassa from Valpolicella, Italy. I ordered this wine as a guest at the famous Davenport Hotel in Spokane, Washington. I'd give up an entree and dessert for this wine. It's $40 dollars a bottle, but hey, I'm here alone and I'm thirsty.

Lady Lobby Lizards

2008-03-08T18:53:00.000-08:00

Today I sat at a table in the lobby of the Davenport Hotel in Spokane sipping Ripassa wine and munching on Crab Louie salad. On business trips to Spokane, I never stay anywhere else. The Davenport is a magnificent hotel that opened in 1914, closed in 1985 and was renovated in 2000. Sitting in the grand and ornate lobby, I expect to hear the Glenn Miller Orchestra play "In the Mood" while sophisticated patrons mingle in chiffon gowns and top hats around the center fountain. The elegance of this hotel harkens back to a refined era that is not reflected in the modern-day Budget Inn.

While I enjoy the grandeur of the past I also appreciate the reality of the present. I have traveled on business as a single female for over 30 thirty years. In the past, I was often seated in the back of the hotel restaurant as the pathetic loner and obvious loser. Waiters continually asked is I was waiting for someone, perhaps to offer hope to my solitude. Now I can confindently order a table for one and ask for the wine list and no one calls the authorities to haul me away. My 80-year-old widowed mother still refuses to go to a restaurant alone. My 29-year-old daughter has entered a restaurant in Spain and competently ordered a menu in Spanish. Progress, indeed.

Here's a short list of my favorite female-friendly places for Lady Lobby Lizards in the Northwest:
1. Davenport Hotel, Spokane, Washington
2. Coeur d'Alene Resort, Idaho
3. Four Seasons Hotel, Seattle, Washington
4. Chandlers Steakhouse Bar, Boise, Idaho
5. Oba! Restaurant, Pearl District, Portland, Oregon

Today's Cabernet

2008-02-28T07:52:00.000-08:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2004 Dynamite Cabernet Sauvignon. This average, inexpensive wine makes me wonder if it's worth the calories.

Empty Nest - Part Two - What to Do?

2008-02-28T07:32:00.000-08:00

After the last kid grows up and flies down the road to chart his or her own path, get ready for a new adventure: you have more time, the house is quiet, and you don't to hide your favorite ice cream behind the frozen ham hocks anymore. But, what should you do now? Here are some excerpts from my article "Empty Nest" to be published next month in Going Bonkers Magazine.

"In hindsight, I was totally unprepared for the truth. I will live without my children much longer than I lived with them. That’s a difficult reality after submerging twenty years of my life into the responsibilities, joys, and frustrations of raising kids. Now that they’re happy, productive adults, I can look back at those years as a brief, marvelous moment in time when I had the privilege to be their mother. If you’re in the same precarious predicament, here are some suggestions to cope with the empty nest syndrome.
1. Remember the Song “Cat’s in the Cradle”. Yes, the lyrics from the song by Harry Chapin are true. We’re so busy when our children are young that we forget that they’ll be grown up and gone in the blink of an eye. Take time to savor the years with your children. Besides, you need to keep a good relationship with your kids because you’ll need their assistance when you’re old and feeble.
2. Prepare for Parting. If your child is getting ready to leave for college, plan for a family vacation or adventure before he or she leaves home. Celebrate the future and provide encouragement because your child may be just as apprehensive as you are. However, don’t feel too bad if he or she runs out the door shouting “Alleluia”. That just means you’ve given them some powerful and positive wings to fly.
3. Give Them the True Gifts. Your children should leave home with the ability to survive. They need to know how to do laundry, balance a checkbook, cook a meal, and get a job. They also need to know that they always will be welcomed home any time with open arms, a clean bed, and a warm meal waiting for them.
4. Reorganize your Life. It’s all different now and will never be the same. You need to assess your personal transition from primary caregiver to part-time peer. Your children want you to be happy, and they don’t need any guilt trips on their journey to independence. You can have the same feeling of freedom that they have if you’re willing to explore your own potential.
5. Don’t Start “Pre-Grieving”. There is an online web site that actually has links to regular blogs for people who are “pre-grieving.” Even though their children are still at home, the parents already have begun to lament the time when they kids will leave home. With all due respect, it’s time to get a grip and a life.
6. Relish Your Relationships. If you’re married, you now have an opportunity to rekindle the dormant passion that was put on the back burner while you dedicated your time to raising children. You may have to dig out the old photos, songs, and costumes to remind you of a friskier time. If you’re single, find some groups that cater to single men and women. You don’t have to rush into a serious relationship, but it’s nice to have a friend to share dinner and a movie.
7. It’s Time for Self-Discovery. Your young adult children are out finding themselves, so maybe you can do the same. Have you always wanted to write? Or experiment with interior decorating? Or learn Spanish? Or take a computer class or a cooking class? Now is the time. Make a list of things you want to do and then design a plan for how you’re going to do them.
8. Volunteer to Fill the Void. You may be lonely, but there are other people in your community who also have problems. Find a charity or organization that needs dedicated volunteers. You’ll feel better and productive when you help someone else in need.
9. Schedule Appointments for Yourself. It’s easy to avoid doing activities unless you make a detailed schedule. Get a central calendar and make appointments that you intend to keep.
10. Take Time to Travel. Look on the bright side. If you want to take a trip, you don’t have to have a NASA-type command center to organize a family excursion. Just throw a few things in a backpack and take off. And you won’t have to hear the incessant whine of “Are we there yet?” 9. Search the Internet for trips to take by yourself or with your significant other.
11. Reconnect with Friends. Remember your best friend from college? Now is the time to find her and make plans to get together again. If she had children the same time you did, she’s probably wallowing around in her own empty nest. Call her and find out how she’s doing.
12. Join a Club. Check your local newspaper for a list of clubs and associations in your area. You could join a gardening club, a book club, a scrapbooking group, a bird watching club, or a writing group. Find an association that relates to your career field. It’s a great way to keep the brain working.
13. Focus on Fitness. Now that you don’t have to get up to make breakfast or lunches for the kids, take the time to concentrate on your physical health. Join a gym or participate in some exercise programs on television. As you age, you could experience problems with weight gain, lack of energy, and other physical issues that can be improved with regular exercise, a healthy diet, and daily vitamins. After all, you need to live long enough to see how your grandkids deal with their own empty nest.
14. Anticipate Health Issues. Admit that you’re never going to relive your cheerleading days. Soon you’ll be lucky to participate in the tap dance group down at the senior citizens center. And menopause is just waiting to attack your senses and sanity. Be prepared.
15. Baby your Brain. It’s time to concentrate on concentration. Keep your brain alert and active by doing word games and crossword puzzles. Watch documentaries instead of soap operas. Research ways to challenge your cognitive abilities and to keep your wits about you. If you become too forgetful, invest in sticky notes. They’re invaluable.
16. Read More Books. When you kids were home, you were lucky to sneak time to read a chapter of a book. Now you can make a pot of tea, prepare a plate of goodies, and curl up with a good book with no fear of interruption. That’s a luxury, indeed.
17. Get Political. Are you worried about the chaos in government? Now you have time to get involved in politics, campaign for a favorite candidate, or even run for office. Why not?
Remodel the House. Your children have moved out, so you have every right to turn their bedrooms into a delightful guest room, or a creative hobby room, or a home office. Give them advance notice to pack up their treasures or you’ll put everything in boxes in the garage. It will be like having a new home.
18. Go Back to School. Are you interested in completing your degree? Or in learning a new profession? Consult the catalogs for your local community college or university. Also, there are many online courses available. If you just want to expand your knowledge, consider taking classes for no credit.
19. Relate to the Relatives. Now you have time to care for aging parents or to visit other relatives that you didn’t see when your children were small. Reconnect with family and plant some seeds to strengthen the family tree.
20. Keep the Music Playing. Join a choir. Take dance lessons. Learn to play piano. Sing in the shower. It’s great for your attitude.
21. Get Cultured. Search for events at museums, libraries, and concert halls. Get the best tickets you can afford, wear a new dress, and expect to be enlightened.
22. Anticipate the Reality of Grown Children. Don’t fret if your adult children don’t call regularly. They’re busy with their lives and that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It just means they’re busy. Even though your relationship will be different from now on, your love remains just as strong as ever.
23. Keep in Contact with Your Children. Emails and pay-as-you-go mobile phone vouchers are efficient ways to communicate with your kids. Schedule regular telephone calls and send letters. For college students, a care package from home is always welcome. Include the hometown newspaper or some photos. Learn how to take and download digital photographs to share.
24. Children are Human, too. Your young adults will probably make some mistakes, just like you did. They may struggle as they find their way, just like you did. Let them know you love them and are proud of them. They need to know that.
25. Consider Retail Therapy. Remember when you had to struggle with strollers, noisy children, and demanding teens every time you went shopping? Now you can meander through the mall for hours without distraction and then improve your outlook with some rambling retail therapy."

Today's Cabernet

2008-02-27T17:09:00.000-08:00

Oh, it must be a special day because today's blog is fueled by a glass of 2005 Ferrari-Carano Cabernet Sauvignon from Alexander Valley. It's about $40 a bottle, but you just have to find some reason to get this elegant wine so you can enjoy its classic flavors of black currant, cherry and anise.

Empty Nest - They Flew the Coop!

2008-02-27T16:24:00.000-08:00

My latest published magazine article is titled "From Empty Nest to Fulfilled Life" and it will be in the next issue of Going Bonkers Magazine. For more information about the magazine, preview http://www.gbonkers.com/

I wrote the article after my two children grew up and left home. My daughter had moved to Maui, Hawaii after college graduation and was working three jobs in order to cover her expenses. My son had joined the Army and was serving as a Military Policeman in South Korea. My kids not only left the nest, they left the mainland! I was lucky to see them once or twice a year. I admonished myself for inspiring them to be so independent. While my friends lamented that their twenty-something children had moved back home or worse yet, had never left, I sulked with sadness at their great fortune. My children were several time zones away. What did I do wrong?

You can find information to assist with your transition from full house to empty nest. Check online for relevant books and organizations. For additional online assistance, log onto http://www.emptynestsupport.com/ for articles, message boards, events, and services.

Today's Cabernet

2008-02-18T23:42:00.000-08:00

Tonight's blog was fueled by a glass of 2001 Beaucanon Estate Trifecta from Napa Valley. It's a fabulous fusion of cabernet sauvignon, merlot, and cabernet franc. It was a gift from my daughter and son-in-law, so I don't know how much it cost, but it's got a high-roller taste.

Vindicated Packrat - Is that the name of a rock band?

2008-02-18T22:40:00.000-08:00

I have a dreaded fear that Oprah's camera crew will burst into my house any day and start filming for a television show about pitiful packrats who should be institutionalized. They'll find my box of 4-H ribbons from 1962. It's packed along with my blue sweater from the 1969 Wendell Pep Band. (I played saxophone.) Then they'll find my dad's army jacket and my grandmother's hat. They're right beside the box of single 45 records, featuring Sam the Sham singing "Lil' Red Riding Hood," and Herman's Hermits crooning "Silhouettes," and Gerry and the Pacemakers swooning "Ferry Across the Mersey." I know I can buy and download a digitally enhanced version of those old songs, but I can't bear to part with the scratchy-sounding music from my memories.

A few years ago, I threw out 200 garbage bags of former-treasures-turned-junk. I was moving and had to clean out the basement. Some of the special items I found included my children's baby teeth - in little packets with labels and diagrams of their mouths. I found a petrified turtle's egg that I've had for over 20 years. (No, I don't know why.) And, so very bittersweet, I found a bottle of breast milk tucked in the back of the freezer. My youngest is 27. He doesn't need it anymore.

However, I'm feeling a bit vindicated tonight. My son, my daughter and her husband and their baby girl came over for dinner. They stayed longer than expected and the 10-month-old baby was getting sleepy, but they hadn't brought pajamas. "I have some!" I exclaimed, with glee. I had saved several pairs of my children's pajamas and washed them for my new granddaughter. Soon she was wearing a blue and red sports outfit that my son wore 26 years ago. Seeing her in the old jammies made me happy. My children then gently suggested that I could donate the rest of their old clothes to charity, and I agreed. But, I'm still keeping the boxes of their papers from elementary school. You never know when suddenly those papers will become valuable collector's items!

My granddaughter wearing her uncle's jammies

Today's Cabernet

2008-02-12T10:34:00.001-08:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Frei Brothers Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon from Alexander Valley. A bargain at $20, this wine is full-bodied, complex and sassy - just like most of my friends.

Those Damp Sheets!

2008-02-12T09:28:00.000-08:00

Alas! I used to think a steamy bed was the result of passion and desire. Not so at midlife. Those memories were sold off with the 1973 Chevy. Now the only wet spot I sleep in is due to horrendous night sweats that are strong enough to poach eggs right there on the pillow.

My menopause bible, The Wisdom of Menopause by Dr. Christiane Northrup, politely informs us that if we wake at four a.m. drenched in sweat, it's all part of the process and our bodies are just detoxing. I say to hell with detoxing. Just give me back my normal frigid skin. It's winter here in Idaho, the windows are open, snow is drifing onto my bed, but it still feels like a sweltering summer swamp. I can only hope that the sweating will stop long enough for the chills to set in as the sweat freezes onto my body.

Looking on the bright side, it's a good thing I didn't buy those 1,020 thread count Regency sheets made of the finest Egyptian cotton. There were a steal at $1,056 for a queen set. I settled for the 400 thread count sheets from Overstock.com for only $50. I can sweat the color right out of that bedding and throw it away after it rots apart. Which will be in about two weeks.

Speaking of sheets, remember when we used to have sheets that were dried outside? I remember hoising wet sheets onto the clothesline in the back yard and securing them with wooden pins. Then the magic of sunshine and fresh air would transform the simple cotton sheets into soft clouds of comfort on my bed. These sheets didn't have fitted corners, designer colors, or more than a 200 thread count but the feel and smell still remains a favorite childhood memory. Now we don't have that luxury because there's too much air pollution and the homeowners associations won't allow clotheslines. A pity, indeed.

Here are some handy remedies to cool off the night sweats:

1. Don't take warm baths or hot showers before bed, as wonderful and tempting as that sounds. That only heats your skin and encourages those harried hormones to trigger a hot flash. Cool or tepid showers are best.
2. Eliminate caffeine and spicy foods at dinner. Have your coffee and Thai food for breakfast.
3. Keep plenty of water on your bedside table. I use bottled water because I often knock over a glass when I'm pawing and panting for water in the middle of the night.
4. Have a fan beside your bed. If that disturbes your partner, offer him a hat and some gloves. Better yet, offer him the guest room.
5. Sleep on a beach towel to absorb excess sweat. Hey, that's less humiliating than a crib sheet.
6. Try herbal decaffinated tea before bed to soothe your nerves. But don't drink too much or you'll be up all night going to the bathroom.
7. Search web sites for pajamas and night gowns made from moisture-wicking fabrics. Try http://www.serenecomfort.com/ or http://www.lunarradiance.com/. Lunar Radiance also has books, DVDs, supplements and a blog to help you through the madness of menopause. I love the night gowns, but they only come in pastel colors and the sizes are a bit snug (or I'm a bit big.)

Today's Cabernet

2008-02-08T13:38:00.000-08:00

Today's blog was fueled by a glass of 2005 Fidelitas Columbia Valley red wine. This reliable, inexpensive table wine provides a satisfying blend of cabernet sauvignon, merlot, syrah, and cabernet franc. And, for less than twenty dollars a bottle, you can save enough money to get another bottle!

Lighten the Load with Laughter

2008-02-08T13:01:00.000-08:00

My distinguished school career as the class clown began in the fourth grade when I told a joke and everyone laughed, except the teacher, of course. Through the years, I continued to annoy my teachers, irritate my parents, and delight my friends with irreverent comments and rebellious actions that resulted in many trips to the principal's office. Only my good grades saved me from being sent off to some reform school in the wilderness.

Actually, I grew up in the wilderness. Anyone ever heard of Wendell, Idaho? I didn't think so. It's a small farming community in southern Idaho where you can get to Clell and Mabel's home by turning left at the brown house with the wooden deck, just past the hill by Chandler's dairy barn. During the sixties, as I was honing my humorous and rewarding talents in the classroom, the town had 1,000 inhabitants. I knew just about every one of them. My parents had attended the same schools I attended, and I had some of their same teachers. These teachers were OLD!

As a child, I relied on my wits to survive. I was the only girl in a hard-working farm family and my importance fell way below that of my brothers, my mother, the hired hands, the dog and the cats. The dog was useful for barking at strangers and the cats were necessary to control the mice. The hired hands worked hard on my father's farms from sunrise until sunset. My mother, bless her heart, dutifully had dinner on the table every night at six o'clock, whether or not my father came in from work. If he were late, she silently added more milk to the gravy and kept the pork chops in the oven until they became hard enough to use as door stops. But, just smother them chops with globs of reheated gravy and you could choke 'em down with a few glasses of dairy-fresh milk. My brothers were important, well, because they were male and I wasn't. It all seemed so unfair.

Every day my father would play John Philip Souza records on high volumn and pound on our bedroom doors, hollering "Get up! Get up! Time's money!" To this day, I cringe and get a twitch every time I hear "Stars and Stripes Forever," even though I'm very patriotic and continue to get out of bed and get to work because I couldn't possibly waste time or money by lolling around in my big, comfortable bed with the Italian sheets and the coordinated bedding.

Anyhow, that's Part One of my grand adventure into the safety of humor. I find it so much more enjoyable to laugh about this crazy world than to fuss about all the crap. I recently had an article printed in several national magazines. It's titled "Toss Out Some Humor to Lighten the Work Load." In case you're interested, here's a link to one of those articles.

Toss out some humor to lighten the workload

Today's Cabernet

2008-02-04T21:04:00.000-08:00

My post today was fueled by a glass of Clos Du Val Merlot 2004 from Napa Valley. It's a bold blend of 96% Merlot and 4% Cabernet Sauvignon and 100% delightful.

Choosing Sassy over Sissie

2008-02-04T20:19:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my new blog! If you're a young, beautiful woman with a flat stomach, perky boobs and big hair, this is not the blog for you. Go away. However, if you're a feisty female over forty, pull up a chair and join me with a glass of cabernet. Let's celebrate our survival to and through this exciting new adventure to midlife and beyond.

This is not our mother's midlife world. We refuse to go quietly into the parlor and knit aphgans while watching reruns of the Lawrence Welk Show. (However, I still can name every one of the Lennon Sisters and that Norma Zimmer was one classy lady.) I grew up on a farm in southern Idaho and we only received one television station. The only TV progams we were allowed to watch were Lawrence Welk, Father Knows Best, and Leave It To Beaver (which is a cause for therapy right there.)

Now our bodies are going to hell, the boobs are swinging like tube socks, hair is falling off our heads and growing on our toes, we carry a sqeegee to blot the sweat from our brow, and we need reading glasses just to see our new age spots. Yes, this is our reward for not dying young. Let's go together and review all kinds of fun topics: jobs, wine, men, wine, children, wine, health, wine, aging parents, wine, chocolate, and throw in some great recipes to go with the wine.

We'll also review the many wonderful realities of life during the second half. In my humble opinion, one of the truly fabulous facts of getting to be this old is that we get to enjoy our grandchildren. That gorgeous baby in the photo is my precious, precocious Luciya, born in April of 2007. I just love that baby.

An Irreverent Guide to Menopause

2008-02-04T12:52:00.001-08:00

Here's a taste from my latest book, Menopause Sucks, which will hit stores in June. I co-authored the book with bestselling author Joanne Kimes.

I remember my first episode of perimenopause as clearly as the first time I saw the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show. I was sweating, crying, clawing at my hair, and ripping off my clothes. Unfortunately, I was 46 years old and there was no Fab Four in sight. In fact, this horrific event happened during a business meeting.

Wearing my sassy yet sophisticated power suit with the appropriate accessories and ladder-climbing shoes, I was speaking to a group of Very Important Personnel. Suddenly some horrific and unknown force of evil invaded my body and mind, rendering me a breathless mass of confusion. I swear that it was similar to having a mammogram, a root canal, and a colonoscopy in a sauna while watching reruns of the shower scene from the movie Psycho. Only worse.

I feared death was imminent as my chaotic mind ratcheted into panic mode. Who would care for my children? Had I paid the electric bill? Crap, if this is the end, why didn’t I have that donut after all?

Yup, it was perimenopause. I assumed that peri was the Latin word for “dangerous” and menopause was the word for “crazy lady.” I learned that these symptoms were only part of the total menu of midlife maladies that could occur as I transitioned into the real mother of all body betrayals. Menopause. Wasn’t I too young, too busy, and just too perky to deal with the “M” word? I decided right then and there that yes, Menopause Sucks!

Like what you've read so far? Menopause sucks is full of helpful hints, amusing anecdotes, and sassy suggestions for those in search of fearless facts and a cold drink. The book is available for pre-order now at amazon.com!

Potato Party Packages!

2008-02-04T12:46:00.000-08:00

Here's a fun party idea for your wee ones.

Elaine will attend your child’s party and read from her award-winning children’s books. She’ll include 10 autographed and personalized copies of Gaters & Taters – A Week of Bedtime Stories. This book was named “Best Children’s Book of 2003” by a national reviewer and was selected for four Statewide reading lists. It was chosen for Bowker’s National Recommended Reading List for 2004 – an honor reserved for only 50 children’s books annually.

She’ll also include 10 copies of The Magic Potato – La Papa Mágica. This is a bilingual coloring book that was selected by the State Board of Education for inclusion in the statewide school curriculum. The text features days of the week, numbers, colors, and key words in English and Spanish.

This party package is recommended for ages 5 through 10.

Estimated Value: $300 for Twenty Autographed Books and Author Reading

To confirm date of party, contact me at elaineambrose1@aol.com or call (208) 630-4217.